i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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