i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Someone signed my nipple.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
