after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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