Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is my gift to your gina
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
