So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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