You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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