At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
