wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
