Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
