Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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