so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your cock deserves a montage
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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