So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
