I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
