Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I look better un-naked...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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