Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They have beer where we have blood.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
