I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
