She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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