it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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