I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
