Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
