he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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