I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm just crazy horny about you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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