i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
