just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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