I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
