just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
