Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
