Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
