I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
