you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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