New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
