I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
