If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
