at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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