last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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