I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
