K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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