Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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