I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
