Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
