Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
