so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
