STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
