We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Two words: nipple clamps
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