I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pants are for mortals
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
