Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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