it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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