hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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