I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
