Its about making memories worth repressing
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
