Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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