I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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