FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
