so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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