yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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