My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
