It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
