DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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