walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My feet surprised me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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