woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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