so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
