I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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