Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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