is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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