I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
