Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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