Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
