I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
