Someone shit on the floor
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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