She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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