think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
