my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
