Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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